United Flight Attendant announced, ‘People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!

On landing, the stewardess said, ‘Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.

‘There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane’

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a ‘Thanks for flying our airline.’ He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.

She said, ‘Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?’

‘Why, no, Ma’am,’ said the pilot. ‘What is it?’

The little old lady said, ‘Did we land, or were we shot down?’

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: ‘Whoa, big fella, WHOA!’